


I Just Don't Feel Good

by signed_aj



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Crying, Depressing, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jeremy's Sad, M/M, Men Crying, References to Depression, Robin cares so much, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Scars, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24291199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/signed_aj/pseuds/signed_aj
Summary: Jeremy struggles more than he lets anyone know. Robin can tell.
Relationships: Jeremy Chetri/Robin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	I Just Don't Feel Good

**Author's Note:**

> Side note : I'm aware no one really cares about Jetri, but I was trying to write a smut I'll put out eventually and it turned sad really fast cause I'm sad and give my sad to Jeremy sometimes (Sorry Jeremy), so like if you wanna read about sad boys, this is for you. (The reference to self harm isn't what you probably think it is, but is still considered self harm so take that as you will)  
> I also might add to this when I'm sad again idk we'll see

“I hate when you do that.”

“It’s harmless.”

“It makes me uncomfortable.”

“You called him perfect and said he smells like sex tabacco!” 

Robin pursed his lips, walking behind Jeremy as he rushed around the lab. “Okay one, that’s not fair! I was possessed by his vampire charms. Two, you had your hands all over him!”

Jeremy turned, passing him with a large glass jar in his hands. “You’re just mad that I haven’t put my hands on you for a while,” he grumbled, setting it down on the counter and starting to prep samples for his microscope.

“Jeremy,” Robin said, his voice suddenly soft. “Do you really think that?”

“I think you’re being over dramatic about me joking around with Doc because you don’t like that he’s getting more attention than you are.” 

Robin grabbed his arm and turned him around. “Okay, time to talk.”

“I’m busy,” Jeremy said, pulling his arm away and turning back to his samples. “Don’t you have like… forests to ranger or something?”

“I’m off today,” he said, leaning against the counter and picking at his cuticles. “Jer, talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

Robin scoffed, “I beg to differ, actually. You’re being distant, you’re flirting with Doc whenever I’m around which you never used to do, you don’t want to hang out with me anymore, and you hardly answer my texts. This is worse than when you had us on a purely text based relationship. Jer, you know I when I promised you I was more than fine with taking things slower, I didn’t think that meant blocking me out completely.”

“Things happen…” Jeremy mumbled, peering into his microscope.

“For fuck’s sake,” Robin spat, grabbing Jeremy’s arm again and forcing his back against the counter. He pressed his front against him so he couldn’t move and pinned his arms to the counter top. “ _Talk to me._ This is how relationships end and I’m not gonna let that happen.”

Jeremy kept his eyes just past Robin’s face and frowned, knowing that Robin could see that there were already tears welling up in his eyes. “I just don’t feel good, Robin. I don’t feel good about myself or subjecting you to my shit.” 

Robin moved one hand to Jeremy’s face, wiping away a tear that’d fallen down his face. “Oh, Jer…” 

Jeremy moved his free hand to hold the one that Robin had put on his face. “I was trying to give you a reason to leave.”

“That’s not working out how you planned it to, is it?” Robin asked, kissing Jeremy’s knuckles.

“No, not really.”

Robin released his other hand and cupped the back of Jeremy’s head, leaning forwards to press a few soft kisses on his cheeks and forehead. “I want you to know that I’m here to help. There is absolutely nothing you could say that would make me want to walk away from you.” 

“It’s in my head,” Jeremy breathed. “All of it is something that I’ve created and now I can’t get it to go away. So no matter what you tell me, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to believe you fully.”

“It’s your depression, love,” Robin reminded him. “It’s literally inside your head, but it’s not something that’s your fault. I’ve seen your medicine cabinet, you’re struggling with more than you’ve told anyone here.”

Jeremy shook his head, looking away again. “I take all the medicine and I go to therapy and meditate and exercise and I’m a vegan, because that’s what they tell you to do. It just never seems to help. It’s like I can’t escape it.”

Robin kissed his forehead again. “You’re so fucking strong, Jeremy. God, if everyone had the kind of resilience that you’ve had in your life, our society would be made of super heroes. But there is no shame in asking for help. I thought you were upset with me this entire time, if I would have known you were struggling we would have had this conversation a long time ago.”

“I didn’t want to bring it up because I know that there’s nothing you can do. I don’t want you to feel like you have to fix me.”

“I wouldn’t dare try and fix you, Jeremy,” Robin said, leaning his forehead against Jeremy’s. “There’s nothing that needs to be fixed about you. I just want to be there for you when you need someone. Because there are times that we _all_ need someone.”

Jeremy let out a ragged breath, still trying to hold back as many tears as he could. “You just… you already have to deal with the fact that there’s demons and monsters and vampires trying to eat you… I don’t want my mental illness to be another factor for why you’d leave Purgatory again.”

“The only reason I’d ever leave Purgatory again was if _you_ were with my dad and I. I left after high school because I wasn’t wanted here. Being back is like… I’ve never felt more accepted in my life. I’ve got so much reason to be here and you’re one of the biggest parts of it all.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

Robin shook his head, almost laughing at this. “You deserve more than the world could ever offer you. It’s taken so much from you already, and you’ve done nothing but bring positivity to the people around you.”

“It’s more than that… I don’t deserve _you_.” He grabbed Robin’s hips under his cardigan. “You’re fucking gorgeous. Tall and-”

“The most beautiful Roomba?” Robin asked, taking in a breath of relief when Jeremy’s lips turned up a little, almost into a smile.

Jeremy nodded. “Absolutely stunning in every way. I’m- _scarred_.” He pulled his hands back, covering his midsection where the surgical scars from after the car accident were. “And I feel disgusting in this body. I want to crawl out of my own skin sometimes because looking at myself makes me sick.”

Robin felt his eyes start to burn with tears. He pulled Jeremy’s arms away from his body and kissed his knuckles again, feeling so devastated after hearing such awful things come out of such a beautiful person that he wasn’t sure how to put his next words together. 

“Did you know,” he started, smiling a little at the thought of what he was about to say. “That the day I came to the station about the murder tree… I saw you talking to someone in the hallway and I asked Nedley to introduce me to you because I thought you were the most attractive man I’d ever seen in real life?” 

“Most of my face was covered in a mustache.”

“Only your lips, which I’ve grown to love just as much as the rest of you,” Robin said, dragging his thumb across Jeremy’s chapped lips. “Which you’re also biting again which means it’s not just your depression that you’re struggling with right now…”

Jeremy frowned again. “I don’t like that you pick up on things like that.”

“That’s unfortunate,” Robin teased. “‘Cause you read like a book, Jer.”

He rolled his eyes. “I do not.”

“Oh love, I hate to tell you that you’re very consistent in your anxious habits.”

“Name three.”

“Playing with your bracelets, lip biting, and listening to rap music really loud,” Robin said without thinking about it.

Jeremy’s lips twitched in a smile. “The rap thing is more of a way to keep Nicole out of here when she’s angry and scary.”

“Then why do you do it in your car when you’ve had a bad day and can’t stop twiddling with your bracelets?”

“Alright, fair,” he paused, chewing his lip until Robin brushed his thumb across his chin. “My anxiety has never been higher than it has been in the last month. Like anxious to the point that being touched can make my skin crawl which is why I’ve been distancing myself from you- No! Don’t do that,” he gasped, feeling Robin’s hands stiffen as he thought about pulling them away from Jeremy’s face.

He held onto Robin’s wrists, until Robin relaxed and then Jeremy leaned against him a little more, wanting to be even closer than they already were.

“And I don’t answer your texts because I don’t look at my phone anymore because I have migraines all the time… because I don't sleep unless I-”

Robin felt the tension grow in Jeremy’s body as he started to shut down. He moved one hand to the back of Jeremy’s neck and the other stayed cupped on his face, running the pad of his thumb across his cheek. 

“You’re alright,” Robin whispered. “Don’t lock me out again, Jer.”

Jeremy shook his head, leaning his face against Robin’s chest. “You’re gonna be mad at me,” he mumbled. “I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“Hey, I promise you that whatever you’ve been doing… we can figure something out. I just need you to tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s bad, Robin,” Jeremy said, pulling back and looking at him with tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “It’s really bad. You’re gonna hate the fact that you know it.”

“I’d rather be a little upset than let you do anything to hurt yourself or-” Robin paused, watching the emotions scatter across Jeremy’s face as tears started to fall. “Jeremy, what did you do?”

“I just- I can’t sleep anymore. I was awake for like four days in a row and I couldn’t take it anymore and…” Jeremy looked away from him again, feeling so sick all of a sudden. “I hit my head so hard that I knocked myself out. I’ve been doing that every couple nights for the last month.” 

Cautious fingers grazed the spots on the back of his head where large bumps had formed. Robin looked away so Jeremy couldn’t see the heartbreak on his face. 

“Well that settles one thing,” he said, doing his best to keep his voice from shaking. “We’re going to the hospital to find out if you’ve got a concussion so we can treat it if you do and then you’re staying with me for a while because I’m not going to let you do that to yourself anymore.” 

“I couldn’t-”

Robin gripped Jeremy’s face between his hands and looked into his tear filled eyes. “You’re too good for that, Jeremy.”

“What if I’m not?”

“That’s not even a question.”

Jeremy leaned into him, burying his face into Robin’s shoulder and letting out a steady stream of sobs. Robin wrapped his arms around Jeremy’s body, holding him while he cried and feeling a few of his own tears fall into Jeremy’s hair. 

“I got cry on your cardigan,” Jeremy mumbled into his shoulder after all of the emotions he’d been holding in had finally been released. “Maybe a little snot too.”

“More of you to take with me everywhere I go,” Robin whispered into Jeremy’s hair. His heart jumped a little, hearing Jeremy laugh a little at this. “Thank you for talking to me.”

“Thank you for supporting me even though I’m a big ol’ mess.”

Robin pulled back, tilting Jeremy’s face up a little. “A gorgeous mess if I’ve ever seen one. And just so you know, I think your scars are just as beautiful as the rest of you. They’re part of your story and part of the reason that you smiling any day of the week is absolutely astounding.”

Jeremy pressed his lips against Robin’s, feeling the same butterflies and warmth spread through his chest that had on the very first time that Robin had kissed him.

“Oh thank god,” Nicole groaned from the door.

“Oh good, they finally made up,” Doc said, coming up from behind her.

Robin and Jeremy pulled apart, looking at the two in the doorway with raised eyebrows. “You mind?” Robin asked.

Nicole shrugged. “By all means, make out, make up, have nasty sex on the counter. I’m just glad you’re done looking at each other with sad eyes all the time. Do you have any idea how fucking depressing that got after like the sixth day? And you somehow let it go on for over a _month_.”

Robin rubbed Jeremy’s back gently and smiled at her. “Yeah yeah, at least we don’t leave our bras all over the station after having sex at work. That’s really unprofessional, you know?”

“Don’t act like you haven’t driven out to the woods on a warm day and made out in the bed of your truck.” 

“We should do that more often.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”


End file.
